I have recently realized I have a *bit* of a superiority complex. Not really shocking if you know I'm an only child, and whether you have the spoiled only child experience or the little adult only child experience, most parents of only children are convinced their kids crap pure gold in one way or another. Not blaming, not complaining, simply stating. That being said, I have spent years not noticing because it was relatively well-masked. Or so central to my thinking that I became blind to it. One or the other.
I mention this because I have also, recently, said a few things that could be misconstrued. Possibly some major things. Possibly major life-changing things that 'misconstrued' is an understatement for, but this is the internet and I'm viewing this as a verbose sketch pad, so....the specifics aren't really applicable. Besides, me being me, experiential repetition is the ONLY way I learn, so rest assured that this has happened in multiple scales lately. It also isn't a new thing. Previously, I have always justified myself by telling myself I was always a few steps ahead and the party in question would understand if they could just have the same beneficial long term perspective I did. In hindsight, that *might* be the superiority complex talking.
Looking objectively at the situations, I was forced to admit something. Me talking is a lot like when I'm driving. I have no idea if this is something other people do, but as I'm driving along- particularly for a couple hours+, I tend to pace myself with other cars. It helps me not speed (as much) and I have this idea in my head that if I'm speeding with other people, I'm less likely to get picked up. (not that I speed much, but in truth, I also tend to lag and I really hate cruise) Anyway, sometimes, I'll stay with another car for a while. I wonder about the people in it and invent places where they are going and pretend we really are traveling together. Then they turn off. (Jerks.) (Now who am I traveling with?) And I remember that I knew nothing at all about them. We just happen to be traveling some of the same roads at the same time at a similar speed. Yeah, my conversations are like that too. We happen to be talking about similar things in the same vicinity at the same time. But the other person has no idea what is happening in my head, and I tend to be filling in some details and then responding to that. Shooting off in some other directions without at all explaining where I'm headed.
Thank God my closest friends know/are learning that. (And it is Thanksgiving-- I am really truly blessed with great friends and family and a new job. Seriously- Thank God.) It might be time for me to acknowledge that as a flaw and maybe try to be less of a conversational lone wolf. Perhaps me talking would end better that way.
