I know this isn't entirely unusual, but I spent my entire childhood wanting to be a grown up then spent the last several years as a grown up wishing to be a kid again.
I then noticed that being a grown up is actually kind of more fun.
I'm happy to finally be one.
When I was a kid, sure, there were chores and rules, but essentially, I did whatever I wanted. Which, after the age of 12 (thanks to orthodics and some se-r-ious blisters) was sitting on my butt alone and reading. Until I couldn't be around people (much) anymore because I felt so very awkward in the real world, acting on my own. I didn't want to grow up because I didn't want to have to interact and go to work and not live in those little worlds defined by other people.
After I grew up, I moved in and out of the real world, grown up land. I could function when I had to, but I chose to live in worlds created and defined by other people. I think the reason I did that was because I didn't believe I could define a world myself. I thought that I lacked the power and the skills and the money and the time and the drive.
But I don't.
And that is pretty stupid to live by.
And guess what? Eating my vegetables tastes better (and my teeth don't feel gritty like when I subsist on sugar) and I feel better. And my back hurts less if I don't lie in bed and watch TV all day. And I like people. I like my friends and my family. To be honest, I always have but I was pretty sure they didn't like me. But guess what else? They seem to. And paying my bills sucks, so do doing the dishes and keeping the house clean, but I like my life better if they are. And best of all? It's MY life. Not a screen writer's. Not an author's. Not a fictional character's.
And not an intangible dream.
And not an impossibility.
Don't ask me why I didn't like being grown up before. The whole point of growing up is that you aren't powerless anymore. And I didn't get on board with that right away. But I think I'm there now. Of course, I have the attention span of a fly sometimes, so I might need to put a post it on my computer to remind myself. But honestly? That frittata that I just made myself was both healthy and delicious. So maybe it's worth being an adult, so I don't 'have' to microwave all my meals :)
